I Like the Blossom Dearie Version of This

To Keep My Love Alive

From A Connecticut Yankee Revival
Lyrics by Lorenz Hart, music by Richard Rodgers

I've been married and married,
And often I've sighed,
I'm never a bridesmaid,
I'm always the bride.
I never divorced them-
I hadn't the heart.
Yet remember these sweet words
"Till death do us part."

REFRAIN 1

I married many men,
A ton of them,
And yet I was untrue to none of them
because I bumped off ev'ry one of them
to keep my love alive

Sir Paul was a frail;
he looked a wreck to me.
At night he was a horse's neck to me
So I performed an appendectomy
To keep my love alive.

Sir Thomas had insomnia
he couldn't sleep at night.
I bought a little arsenic
he's sleeping now all right.

Sir Philip played the harp;
I cussed the thing.
I crowned with his harp
to bust the thing.
And now he plays where harps are
just the thing,
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.


REFRAIN 2
I thought Sir George had possibilities,
but his flirtations made me ill at ease,
and when I'm ill at ease
I kill at ease
To keep my love alive.

Sir Charles came from a sanatorium
and yelled for drinks in my emporium
I mixed one drink
He's in memorium
To keep my love alive.

Sir Francis was a singing bird
A nightingale. That's why
I tossed him off my balcony
To see if he could fly
Sir Athelstane indulged in fratricide;
He killed his dad and that was patricide
One night I stabbed him at my mattress side
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.

Meet the New Meme

Imagine the merit badges!

Limericks from a Boring Meeting

Clean, alas, as you don't want the boss looking over your shoulder while you're describing some anal atrocity. Anyway.

There once was a blogger called Ann
Who got clunked in the head with a pan.
It rattled her brain,
But she got up again,
And she's still the same blogger called Ann.



When firing Attorneys US
It's best to avoid a big mess
And just fire them all
So when newspapers call
You say "We treated them equally, yes."


A comedy blogger called Gavin
Displayed all the fun he was havin'
At the blog Sadly, No!
But the server won't go
So fewer and fewer are laffin'.

Won't Somebody Please Think of the Children?

In his first sentence, he's making the Charles Barkley argument: I am not a role model. I think that both Sir Charles and Atrios are mistaken. None of us--even the famous and influential--get to define what we mean to others, or how others view our roles. Just as Barkley's denial that he was a role model didn't make him any less of one, so Atrios's protest that his role in the universe isn't what others perceive it to be doesn't make it true.

Posted by: James F. Trumm | March 23, 2007 at 10:39 AM

Hilarious.

The knock on Charles Barkley - for those who were interested in knocking - was that he wasn't being a role-model to KIDS.

Charles Gocher is Dead

I'm very late to this, but Charles Gocher died. He played with the Sun City Girls who were kind enough to allow my stupid band into their presence on a number of occasions. They were our heroes, and it was a pretty lucky thing for us: who gets to share a stage with their idols? Well, me. Thanks to Charlie and Rick and Alan who if they have any taste won't remember my playing at all.

The Pleasures of Romanian Tabloid Photography

From here.

Phil Spector's Hair

That is all.

The Slathering of Eggos

This whole "Gathering of Eagles" thing reminds me of a seminar I went to on Bigfoot (which was hilarious in itself, but anyway...). There was a guy there who did his presentation about the UFO connection to Bigfoot and an encounter he'd had in Montana that involved both along with some remarkable ectoplasm running down a mountainside. Anyway, what he wanted to do to further his theory was mount an expedition back to deepest Montana to go over the evidence again and for that he needed investors.

Seriously.

The Stupid Mutant Weighs In

God help me, I'm the kind of guy who re-reads Herodotus for fun and I can't stop downloading stupid comics.

Lemmings

David Kurtz depresses me:

Gonzales is getting what he deserves, to be sure, but among his opponents there were far fewer profiles in courage before he was mortally wounded.

Jesus Fucking Christ

My cat is now a puking machine. One year shots were today and he's under the weather. I've locked the poor thing in the bathroom because the floor is easily cleanable. Yes, I'm awful.

I have to say though, that galumphing noise that telegraphs the imminent arrival of a pile of hideous goo from kitty's tummy is both handy and funny.

Update:

Q. How you feeling, pukey?
A. Mewp.

It's Not All About Me

A while ago a bunch of people impersonated Althouse on a very amusing thread. She was less happy about such impersonations and had previously painted a big target on her head with a complaint of her own.

On her thread I left the following:



Anyway, I find I've been retroactively anonymized. What purpose this may serve the Althouse empire remains inscrutable, especially when the comment remains in place.

More Art

I asked one of my daughter's friends to draw a machine that does two things. She drew this:



It vacuums and also dispenses candy from the top.

A Colouring Book (Slightly Used)

For additional fun you may guess the sex of those who used the book.

It's still available. The reviews are interesting.

Happy Birthday

Cunt and Its Lessers

There's been quite a debate over the use of this word. Obviously, I'm not letting it go. However, on the internet, there's no reason at all that anyone has to put up with it.

First, browse with Firefox.

Then install Greasemonkey.

Then go to Userscripts.org and pick out a censoring script and install it.

It doesn't mean you have to censor every word: it's pretty obvious how to edit the scripts, so if you'd prefer to leave "fuck" in there you can. Can't figure it out? I'm willing to help. Write me. You should even be able to replace instances of "cunt" with something like {and here I prove I'm a total idiot} or whatever might be more amusing. You can use this post to test with.

This Seemed Inevitable

The Fat

I was at some film festival or other where I saw Sarah Silverman's Jesus is Magic. She was there and took questions.

Someone asked her why, if she'd set out to be so offensive to so many different crowds, she left out fat people.

"Because they're sensitive," said Sarah.

A Nelson Muntz Moment

Something New-ish

A review in Reason:

It's possible this recent German trend toward "historical re-evaluation" helped prompt the American publication, 15 years after it first appeared in Britain, of Comrade Rockstar, Reggie Nadelson's travelogue cum biography of Dean Reed. Nadelson, a New York-based writer of detective fiction, has written the story of a failed American musician who became the "Red Elvis" of the East Bloc.

Unlikely

Have I mentioned that I love Google News? Kiwi Catholics???




Anyway, what's more likely: that the tomb of Jesus got found or that a guy sent a bunch of demons into a pig?

Limerick Time

There once was a robot called Glenn
Who beeped booped clicked whirred spun and then
Pooped out silicon chips
Raised them up to his lips
Then he ate them and did it again.

Y'ever notice how boring professional development seminars are? More from right next to the geometrical doodle:

There once was a girl called Michelle
Who emitted a terrible smell
She'd shit here and there
And piss most everywhere
And bitch that the place went to hell.