Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Sumo: Sport of Things

I have been researching the great sport of sumo.

Young boys want to become sumo in order to achieve the rank and physique of manatee.



Therefore they dance in poo.



Those who can crush the poo to the satisfaction of the Sanrio Corporation are allowed to live on the moon.



Others must find new careers.



Successful members of the Order of the Manatee must rub their bellies on decadent foreigners.



There are delights, however, as visiting dignitaries often bring snacks to the more successful of the ravening maxisapiens.



The most physically beautiful sumo are bronzed and used to direct traffic.



Others become snacks themselves, an irony which something something something.



They may also engage in physical contests of some sort. These seem unimportant.

11 comments:

mom said...

Oh, I see, you are going to be a smartass.
The nice young man tried to explain Sumo to you and now you are just being a smartass.
This is why you never succeeded in school or life, you know. This is why you have no friends, no job, no girlfriend, no life. You really need to stop this behaviour, Bub, before you end up sad and unfortunate in a ditch somewhere. Your father and i are at the end of our rope and we will no longer support your idiocy.

Righteous Bubba said...

Oh, I see, you are going to be a smartass.

Huh?

Your Father said...

Don't make me come over there, boy.

Righteous Bubba said...

Don't make me come over there, boy.

What?

snuh said...

buh?

Snag said...

Look, Bubba. Your parents asked me to talk to you. They're worried. You never call, you never visit, and when you write it's always this thing the kids call "snark." Don't you think it's time to get a real job?

Righteous Bubba said...

Sniff. I just want to be me. It's something I have to do. Don't you guys realize that? You don't know what it's like.

I'll be in my room with the headphones on. The lawn can wait.

Your father said...

That Snag seems light in the loafers (if you catch my drift), but he has a point. Get a job, boy. Even if it is waiting tables, we really can't support you forever.

Righteous Bubba said...

I was thinking of trying sumo. Looks like you need to be a big fat guy, and I can work on that.

fish said...

I like the carefully placed Sumo Snack(TM) seal of approval...

Herr Doktor Bimler said...

Oh the huge manatee...
Well someone had to say it.