Tuesday, July 8, 2008

A Horrible End

The Apostle Paul admonishes us to 'quit mixing in company .. not even eating with such an unclean [one].' -1 Cor. 5:9-11; Mark 2:13-17. Although Paul was speaking primarily about Christians who fell into sin, there is no reason to conclude that this inspired Biblical principle cannot be applied to association with cats. Uncleanness in any form is condemned by Jehovah and the fact that the Apostle Paul made no distinction when it came to associating with housecats proves beyond a doubt to the right-thinking worshiper of Jehovah that loyal Christians must avoid all association with all sources of uncleanness. This would logically include animals that either harbor these tendencies or indulge in such practices. Moreover it is a well-known fact that a common practice of pagan males was to have cats bat at their erect penises for luck and not incidental pleasure, a practice which continued at least through the reign of Domitian. In some areas the practice was supplanted by individuals dressed in cat costumes - mockingly called Furrisees by the disapproving - who would collect a fee for the service. As in observant societies throughout the world, the high and the low alike attend the same rituals, and the libertine practitioners of cat drag saw fit to enter and offer money in the local houses of worship, including, to his displeasure, many of those Paul himself held forth at in his travels through the nascent realms of Christianity. Thus it is that we speak of groping peter to pay Paul.*

*My apologies. The phrase "groping peter to pay Paul" occurred to me and I had to let it out. It seemed to require some ridiculous build-up I wasn't actually willing to write, so I stole the first part here after using this clever search and then the rest seemed obvious. Yes I will take my pills now.

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