Now, understand, I am not the sort of person who readily subscribes to conspiracies.* If anything, I tend to pooh-pooh them because I don’t believe two people can keep a secret, and I’m dead certain that three or more can’t. However, something about the timing couldn’t fail to grab my attention in much the same way that a mackerel lying under your pillow will certainly grab yours.THE MUSLIMS DID IT.
The piece that Townhall had posted on Monday of that week was an attack on our sworn enemies, which I had titled “The Straight Poop on Islam,” but which Townhall, in a fit of political correctness verging on insanity, had re-named “The Straight Talk on Islam.”
Perhaps it was sheer coincidence that the very next day, I was let go.
*Ah ha ha. Ha ha hee hee hee. Oh ho hoho ho. Hehehehehe.
According to my in-depth textual analysis, Burt Prelutsky's books were ghostwritten by Dragon-King Wangchuck.
ReplyDeleteI bet he says PENIS too.
No No he says
ReplyDeleteThat said, I fear that there are dark forces at play.
It must be teh mooselums.
Or strings of dark matter and such. Because ole Burt is kinda stringy.
Or is it Dan Banner, banning Burt???
Seems to me this just frees up our friend Stubby McClavacle to assume ol' Burt's visage across the broad expanse of the intert00bz.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't be surprised if he brings his bitions....
Y'know, I'd do a better job with Sam there, except that I probably won't.
ReplyDeleteConsarn it!!
ReplyDeleteherr doktor,
ReplyDeleteYou flatter me. I just drew the pictures.
Also, you said "in-depth sexual anal". Heh-heh. Wait, you didn't?
This one is pretty tightly written for a Prelutsky essay. Maybe he should do more along these lines.
ReplyDeletePoop there it is.
ReplyDelete~
I'm somewhat impressed that his articles were $20 a crack.
ReplyDeleteWHERE ARE MY SOROS BUCKS?
Flying drag-and-drop mustachios should net you WAY more than 20$ per offering. O, the injustices of this world.
ReplyDeleteCanned Prelofski is no substitute for fresh
ReplyDeleteHave you considered passing the hat around to pay Burt to publish a few columns here? They would lend a certain cachet to the House of Substance. I would happily chip in a few of the shiny bottle-tops we use in NZ rather than money.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered passing the hat around to pay Burt to publish a few columns here?
ReplyDeleteI do not have a hat gigantic enough to contain the inevitable torrent of contributions, nor would I want to clean it up afterwards.
I, myself, will put in several beads and a blanket to hear straight from the horse's pooper.
ReplyDeleteBesides, if both Burts were suddenly writing on the same blog, wouldn't that cause a singularity that would cause Steven Hawking to blow up the Large Hadron Collider...
ReplyDeleteThat, sir, is the Pauli Effect -- a sufficiently advanced theoretical physicist will break practical equipment merely by being in the same room at the time.
ReplyDeleteI AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.
He is not, I have heard of theoretical physicists whose time of arrival in a town could be ascertained by the simultaneous failure of every bit of previously functioning physics equipment.
ReplyDeleteI went for a ride on a luge;
ReplyDeleteThe staff were all wearing rouge.
This aroused a suspicion
and caused a condition:
MY FUCKING HADRONS ARE HUGE!
In a garden of paths that are forking
ReplyDeleteLives a physicist called Steven Hawking.
His views on Time's Arrow
Are not straight or narrow
And gear always breaks when he's talking.
Goodness but Chris Elliott has not aged gracefully.
ReplyDeleteI drank from the bucket of Pauli
ReplyDeleteWent to flip the main switch and thought "Golly"
The system's not working
In fact it seems to be smirking
We should have built this collider in Bali
My poem was working so well;
ReplyDeleteI thought of the volumes I'd sell.
I didn't expect
The Trilling Effect
That destroyed the metre and the rhyme scheme, the moment I opened a book of literary theory.
A biochemist called Pauli
ReplyDeleteSaid "My gear will break down"
When I'm out on the town
Askin' "Do ya want my collider insideya.