Guaranteed Funny

I'm not kidding.

For God's Sake Stop Being Such Fucking Asswipes

It's not as if a whole lot of assholes aren't named Mohammed already. It's a cute cuddly teddy, which is guaranteed to be more cuddly than nearly everybody on Earth.

If this whole $100 laptop business helps kids find solace as Klingons and furries, well the world could use a few more of those kinds of losers instead of the religious kind.

What a Worthless Prick Andrew Sullivan Is

Shorter Andrew Sullivan:

We can only wait in anticipation for the statistical measure that proves niggers are stupid.

I Can Has Sexier Don Surber

The Challenge:



The original Surberian Tiger (rowr!):



Now with 900% more sexiness:




Okay, I didn't have a camera available and had to scan my left thumb plus expertly designed paper collar (planning ahead not skill good) while fucking around with the mouse with my right. Nevertheless I have contributed much sexiness.

Romania: Your Sole Source of Stigmata-Afflicted Vagina Bears

JamesK in comments kindly points out that I hung it wrong. It's a little more grim now.

Google Has My Number

The Current Playlist

At work edition.

There's Something Funny About This...

This panel represents a moment in my life when I figured out that there was subtext to things. The image now seems obviously cribbed from some porn mag with the addition of a stupid costume and an ugly monster guy, but at the time I was sure that there was something I was not quite getting, and it was IMPORTANT.

I remain excellent at not quite getting things.

The Internet Makes Cheap Jokes Free

No fuss, no muss.

Context here and here.

The Problem with Dealing with Al Qaeda in Pakistan is Now...What?

I'm not personally an advocate of racing in there and blowing shit up, but it seems we have an anti-democratic military strongman harboring Al Qaeda in the same sense that Saddam was harboring Ansar al-Islam.

Issues of Vital Importance

Those who would lie under oath are in big trouble.

Mitt Romney Is a Worthless Shitbag

A surprising sentiment I know, but does this really paint a picture of anyone with convictions?

Mind Your Head

Stopping on the Road on a Tolerant Evening

Whose roads these are I think I know.
These public works they kind of blow;
Police can see me driving here.
But drive these roads with headlights? No.

My little car must think it queer
To drive without the lights on here
Between the hills a concrete snake
The darkest evening of the year.

A cop's lights make me hit the brake
He asks if there's been some mistake.
"The Oakland exit's some ways back,
"Are you some kind of drunken flake?"

The roads are public, each bump and crack,
But each cock-eyed dream must have its hack,
I've not been stopped because I'm black
I've not been stopped because I'm black

Clash of the Tittens

This is pure fun.

Stupid Songs

John Wesley Harding by Bob Dylan

Ooh, spelling error right off the bat.

John Wesley Harding
Was a friend to the poor,
He trav'led with a gun in ev'ry hand.

That'd be forty guns. No wait, two.

All along this countryside,
He opened a many a door,

What the hell does that mean?

But he was never known
To hurt an honest man.

He was, however, interested in killing Negroes.

'Twas down in Chaynee County,
A time they talk about,

Ah yes, the onion-belted elders among us.

With his lady by his side
He took a stand.

Clicheometer rising...

And soon the situation there
Was all but straightened out,
For he was always known
To lend a helping hand.

Clicheometer smashed by stray deus ex machina.

All across the telegraph
His name it did resound,

Turn down that telegraph you crazy kids!

Rest of rebel millionaire's idiot music ignored due to boredom.

But no charge held against him
Could they prove.
And there was no man around
Who could track or chain him down,
He was never known
To make a foolish move.

Michael Fumento's Dignity Restored

That's a Nice Soufflé You Got There.

Lately, the Zagats have also raised a few eyebrows by selling plaques to the businesses they rate. While they still give out window stickers for free, they charge $149 to $199 for restaurants that want customized plaques. (One twist: The better the rating, the fancier and the costlier the plaque.) Restaurants are told that refusing to participate in the "recognition program" won't affect their scores, yet some can't help but wonder. "There's a little bit of a feeling like, I'd better buy this," says Betsy Alger, owner of the Frog and the Peach Restaurant in New Brunswick, N.J. The Zagats say that "the people who handle our plaques have no connection with any aspect of our editorial process."

Invasion of the Noonanites

Mark Noonan is considering running for office.

The obvious symbol is the Noonanite.

Gawd

I don't think I've seen a worse initial sentence this year.

Internet pedophile suspect arrested in Thailand
By Seth Mydans
Published: October 19, 2007

BANGKOK: At first, on the Internet, he was just a swirly face, something akin to a large multicolored lollipop that a man might give to a little boy.