Figure This One Out

I sometimes wonder if letterers cackle while they do this. From X-Factor 135.

An Act Often Played Out in Japan

Kancho (カンチョー, kanchō) is an act often played out in Japan; it is performed by clasping the hands together so the index fingers are pointing out and attempting to insert them sharply into someone's anal region when the victim is not looking. It is similar to the wedgie or a goosing, although the latter acts do not involve direct physical contact.

Your Tax Dullards at Work

Justice Department Filing Slams Net Neutrality
The Justice Department this week issued its support for a tiered approach to Internet service, and said that the imposition of net neutrality laws would hinder the continued growth of the Web.

You Just Ready That Stance, Heroes

As a Report Draws Near, Democrats Ready a Stance
By DAVID M. HERSZENHORN
Published: September 8, 2007

WASHINGTON, Sept. 7 — With Gen. David H. Petraeus set to testify before Congress on Monday about the status of the Iraq war, leading Democrats in the House and the Senate maneuvered Friday to portray his report as being controlled by the White House, while insisting that they did not doubt the general’s integrity.

I'm Floored

Someone called Will Allen in the comments at the Matthew Ygglelelslelseleleeisisis soapbox:

I dunno, Thomas, I actually was writing in 2000 that I expected Bush to be a terrible President, a yet I still voted for him twice, and might do so again if the alternative was still Gore or Kerrey,

I thought he would be terrible, yet I voted for him.

There comes a point when you might want to withhold a vote or do a write-in or something. I mean in the Dahmer vs. Manson contest does anybody seriously calculate the worth of Manson's ability to delegate as opposed to Dahmer's hands-on leadership?

Jonah Goldberg: Vacation Over?

There have been a spate of posts around the neighbourhood involving Jonah Goldberg. Each of course demolishes Jonah in a funny yet inevitable way - Psst: he's stupid! - but it seems like such a pile-on. Was he saving up the stupid for a while and unleashed it upon return? Is he somehow more stupid now?

Anyway:

One
Two
Three
What are we fighting for?

This Man Confounds Me

Porcupine Pie Lyrics
Artist:Neil Diamond

Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie
Vanilla Soup, a double scoop please
No, maybe I won't, maybe I won't, maybe I will
The tutti fruit with fruity blue cheese

Ah, but Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie
Don't let it get on your jeans
And though it sounds a little strange
Well, you gotta eat it with gloves
Or your hands will turn green

Ah, but porcupine pie, porcupine pie, porcupine pie,
It weaves its way through my dreams,
And I do believe I'm gonna have one and
Leave enough room for dessert, chicken ripple ice cream.

The Obvious

White Zombie were kind of stinky so I'm not surprised.

Please Supply Us With Poison!

I'm begging for unsafe products because they're cheaper!

People with PCs Should Try Launchy

Investigate here.

The web-site has an Easter egg for geeks:

Travel to exotic, distant lands, meet exciting, unusual people and torture them.

Also kill them, but you don't want to use the whole pitch at once. Look out though! You may be reprimanded.

Just the Stupid Comics for Me, Please

Pictured below are two representatives of the Japanese government. Seriously.

Armed with Certificates of BUMS

Quacks lead to bogus degree racket at Dadar
V Narayan
Saturday, August 25, 2007 10:10 IST

It is easy to become a ‘doctor’ and set up a ‘clinic’, after purchasing a ‘degree’, sold in the city for Rs 500-1000. A raid by Zone VII police on Thursday night, that led to the arrest of eight quacks, reveal this bitter truth.

According to the police, the quacks have been running their clinics, armed with certificates of Bachelor of Unani Medical Science (BUMS).

Recommended Bear and Puma Selections

Is Iraq going well? Sadly, No! Fortunately, there is a plan.

I left inspirational verse in comments which I reproduce here out of laziness. Forgive me. Please please forgive me.


Fly bears to Iraq
And they’ll chomp on the Sunnis
Shredding their faces
As if they were bunnies

Send pumas as well
And they’ll gnaw on the Shia
Testing the limits of
Onomatopoeia


Bears snarl through the mosques
Unicycling through blood
Like bears from that Garp guy
Not Bernard Malamud

The pumas leap downward
From verandas and trees
Eating every Iraqi’s
Much-prized Pekingese


Bears lope down the alleyways
Pawing through trash
Uncovering bales of
American cash

Pumas slink through the brothels
And slash at the johns
Showing Ali no mercy
Hassan flees in chiffon


Bears swing from the wires
And end up in the shower
They come out unshocked as
The wires have no power

Pumas munch on the snipers
And sniff at their guns
Paw at their crotches
And nip at their buns


The pumas head North
Sneaking into Mosul
Grinding their teeth
Into torso and skull

They start up a brief
Dairy factory fray
Just to find out if
They like Kurds and whey


Bears provide an answer
To that darned Iraqi cancer

Pumas will clean up
What the bears don’t deign to sup


Bears came swimming
Down the Tigris
Smelling stinky
But I digress

Once ashore
They ate a boatman
And then that was
All she wrote man


Pumas slurp the marrow of the dread Iraqi horde
Bears will chew their sinews with a passion untoward
The rivers and the streams will all run red with blood and then
The beasts march to Afghanistan to kill and kill again


Bears? Why you can
Go to hell sir
The army is
Don’t ask don’t tell sir


The noble puma stalks Iraq
Snapping bones in sneak attacks
The valiant bear patrols the streets
Feasting on insurgent meat

For freedom! Mangle brownish tots!
For justice! Slaughter girls in lots!
Let Liberty’s Paw smash brains to pulp!
And Peace’s Maw rend flesh to gulp!


While a bear started eating his leg
An insurgent was then heard to beg
“Bear spare me! Have pity!”
And the bear thought it witty
To let pumas crack his skull like an egg

The Glory of the New York Post

It seems reporter Laura Italiano does not have a master degree.

Short and Loud

I'm sure I've included some of these before but I'm one of those annoying people who doesn't get tired of songs. I can listen to a song I like for a straight day. And I do.

I Think This Makes Physical and Metaphorical Sense

People at Sadly, No! have been wondering who Megan McWhatsit reminds them of.

I Don't Understand Half of This

...but the other half is very funny. Necessary for computer geeks.

Other People Do Things Better Than Me

A smarter, more diligent, more passionate, more organized, more interesting and all-around-awesome me might produce something as wonderful as this destruction of Rich Lowry.

Unfortunately I'm the real me. Do you like comics? I do.

The World's Foremost Non-Muslim Anti-Semitic University

I introduce you to the Interregional Academy of Personnel Management!

In April 14-19, 2005 the MAUP weekly newspaper Personnel Plus published an open letter to President Yushchenko, Ukrainian Verkhovna Rada Speaker Volodymyr Lytvyn and Supreme Court of Ukraine Chief Justice Malyarenko calling for a parliamentary investigation into the "criminal activities of organized Jewry in Ukraine." The newspaper claimed that the letter was signed by more than a hundred scientific, civic, and political leaders.

On June 3, the MAUP sponsored a one-day conference entitled "Zionism As the Biggest Threat to Modern Civilization" attended by the former leader of the Ku Klux Klan in the United States David Duke. The Kyiv Post newspaper called the gathering "a disgusting orgy of racism and hatred." In August 2005, the MAUP awarded Duke with the Ph.D. degree.

After the Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's threat to wipe out Israel evoked international condemnations, on November 4, 2005 the MAUP issued "a decisive protest against large-scale campaign, organized by Zionists, against Islam Republic Iran and its President Mahmud Ahmadi-Nedzhad... where he quoted the words of the Iranian spiritual leader Ayatollah Khomeini about future death of Israel and the USA."

In his November 22 statement, Georgy Shchokin, the MAUP's President who also heads the "International Personnel Academy" (IPA) and the Ukrainian Conservative Party (UCP), combined traditional Christian antisemitism with New antisemitism and failed to mention that the UN General Assembly Resolution 3379 of 1975 (equating Zionism and racism) has been revoked in 1991 by the UNGA Resolution 4686:

"We'd like to remind that the Living God Jesus Christ said to Jews two thousand years ago: 'Your father is a devil!' ... Zionism in 1975 was acknowledged by General Assembly of UN as the form of racism and race discrimination, that, in the opinion of the absolute majority of modern Europeans, makes the most threat to modern civilization. Israel is the artificially created state (classic totalitarian type).... Their end is known, and only the God's true will rescue all of us. We are not afraid, as God always together with his children!"

On December 1, 2005, the MAUP held a conference "The Jewish-Bolshevik Revolution of 1917 – the Source of the Red Terrorism and the Starvation of Ukraine".

In the March 2006 issue of the Personnel Plus, an article revived false ritual murder accusations from the infamous 1911 Beilis Trial. A week earlier, MAUP leaders visited the grave of Andrei Yuschinsky, a Christian boy allegedly "murdered by Jews with ritual purpose".

At a conference held at the MAUP Academy in Kiev, the heads of the MAUP accused "Rothschild's Soldiers" of the genocide of the Ukrainian people.

On August 15, 2006, an article on the MAUP's website denounced the Bnai Brith as "the Jewish Gestapo".