Days of Our Lives

I was listening to this and thought I'd look this up:

Options

Katrina Trinko at The Corner notices something:

At tonight’s debate, candidates will have the opportunity to ask another candidate a question. Herman Cain is planning to direct his question at Mitt Romney.

“I’m going after Romney. I have a very penetrating question for him,” Cain told radio host Neil Boortz in an interview today, according to the Washington Post. He added that he didn’t “need to go after Perry.”

Cain's gotta be careful, because if it's a yes or no question Mitt's in the clear with an answer of yes, no, and both.

The Penis Metaphor is Strong with This One

Deanna Murray is back with an awesome conservative list of songs about guns!

Song: Happiness Is A Warm Gun
Artist: The Beatles

John Lennon got the idea for this tune from a magazine cover he saw. Writing* about this particular song, Lennon said he thought the headline of the article “Happiness Is A Warm Gun” was so fantastic he had to write about it. But one has to wonder if the “Imagine”-singing peacenik realized at the time that a warm gun usually means someone’s fired it.* Still, the concept was a hit* in the making as Lennon took three songs he’d been working on previously and formed them into this now-classic Beatles tune (for the record, I do know it’s not about firearms and is a sexual metaphor).

That is very exciting, but not as exciting as the ass gun.

*PUHLEASE if you are going to source everything from the Wikipedia READ THE GODDAMNED WIKIPEDIA, GODDAMN IT! And what the fuck is that shit about Lynyrd Skynyrd's top charting hit?

Pardon le Dopeness

This upload came with the greatest captcha EVAR:

Jeepers

That's a bold artistic statement, that is.

Predating J. Vernon McGee Experiments

Pat Robertson plus The Melvins:



Note the most awesomest break ever at 1:44.

Spam Worth Preserving

From this thread:



See that? A cereal thread, tigris summons the toilets as we have seen so many times before, and the spammer ties it all up with something almost incomprehensibly simple and somehow nonsensical, and finishes off with a whopping topic change.

Jeez whiz, we CAN blame tigris!

The Dog (Also the Gerbil)

A dog is an idiot's sort of a pet,
The middle is smelly and both ends are wet.
They gnaw on your sweater and stockings and shoes,
And it's YOU who has to go gather their poos.



UPDATE!

ckc (not kc) said...

...does this mean you don't want to see a picture of my cute gerbil?

October 7, 2011 6:14 PM

Gerbils will kill you AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY.

The owners of gerbils are instantly smitten,
But that is before they are constantly bitten
And gnawed from the ribcage straight through to the heart:
It's a gerbil's audition for Brown Jenkin's part.

In Search of the Principled Conservative

Ramesh "Reasonable I Swear" Ponnuru:

Ben Shapiro flatly predicts that Mitt Romney, if nominated, will lose the general election because conservatives will be too unexcited about him to vote against Obama. Shapiro sees the primary as a battle between the establishment and tea partiers. He concludes, “If the establishment GOP succeeds in nominating Mitt Romney, it will be able to add another black mark to its long record of failure.”

One of the cool things about being a conservative is that you can be a complete fucking fool and get taken seriously by the house organs. Shapiro goes on to write shit like this:

But the establishment GOP sees the Tea Party as a threat, for two reasons. First, they think that the Tea Party is more interested in principle than victory. They look at Sharron Angle and Christine O'Donnell and they see a descent back to the losing days of Barry Goldwater. In this, they may be right. Many of those in the Tea Party would rather run principled candidates who lose than elect Democrat-lites who proceed to corrupt both the government and conservatism itself from within. In this view, at least there will be clear lines of blame when liberals drive the ship of state into the jagged rocks of reality.

Second, the establishment GOP is not aligned with the philosophy of the Tea Party. They like the philosophy of a Democrat-lite: more efficient, effective government, but not necessarily a smaller one. This is the philosophy of Mitt Romney, who rips Rick Perry for stating that Social Security is a Ponzi scheme (which it is), who established a health care mandate in the state of Massachusetts, who supports Obama's continued nationalization of education, whose tax cutting talk is weak tea at best.

Does David Frum read that bullshit too? How much work is it to respond only to arguments you think might be rendered as sane in a column like that?

Back to Ponnuru:

But wait a minute. If Romney wins the nomination, he’ll win it the same way McCain and Dole and the Bushes won it: by getting more primary votes than anyone else. Of their own free will anti-Romney conservatives have elected, so far, not to unite behind any alternative candidate. The party establishment has influence only to the extent primary voters let it, and it is those voters who deserve whatever praise or blame attaches to the choice of nominee.

Yes, Ponnuru has to point out that if Romney wins the nomination people will have voted for him.

Strangely, Ponnuru leaves out the main assertion: Mitt will lose because disgruntled conservatives won't turn out.

Which disgruntlement factor is more powerful? I don't believe the internal mythology lets you pass up a chance to slay the dragon.

Can People Read the Little Black Notes?

The kids today:

I have a tattoo which is made up of the sheet music to my favourite Boyzone song - Isn't It A Wonder? - around my right ankle. People think I'm mad, but I point out that if I want to I can tell them it's Bach or the Rolling Stones instead of the actual truth.

Paraplegic Chess Pieces

Well the picture didn't quite work out, but I'm unlikely to take it again.

Notes.

Moncton

So here we are.



As usual Jesus is threatening to throw small animals to their doom unless his demands are met.



Why throw them away? Why not ensconce them in pastry with mushrooms?



Other ghastly creatures die naked.



The blueberry ale, as it turns out, is not overwhelming like those Belgian fruity monstrosities and is kind of nice. But AFTER the lobster, you savages.



The verdict: Moncton is dreary but survivable. The town council should look into importing more particle physicists.

Fuck, Missed It

Late to the party:

More Horribly Hilarious than Ever!

Is that the wheezing grunt of a gastro-intestinally challenged Pekinese or the succulent, squelchy scrunch of a thousand slimy sea snails under foot? No, it is far worse and MUCH more amusing.

Back by popular demand – it’s the best of the worst poetry in the universe.

Last fall as part of the Library’s One Book, One Vancouver presentation of the cult classic The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, dozens of enthusiastic non-poets presented some of the best worst poetry ever and then asked for more!

So on September 22 a second Vogon Poetry Slam & Vog-Off will take place at the Central Library. If you would like to be considered for the competition please email two of your worst Vogon poems to L2programs@vpl.ca or drop them off at the Central Library, Level 2 Information desk by September 19.

I have a back-catalogue and everything.

Sing, Sing a Song

The Bastard informs us that Glenn Beck will be producing kiddie content.



Obama wants to rule the world
Leftists run the news
Internationalists sold us out
Graft is what they use
ACORN's stealing all the votes
Revolutionaries enslave
Hidden agendas will kill us all
Y not join the fascist wave?

Hold That Tiger!

Object, object, wilt thou pass
Through the folds of Mankind’s ass?
What exercise of yawning anus
Could get you in and yet not pain Us?

Test Pattern

Moncton

Evidently I'm going to spend a couple of days in Moncton next week.

The only specific recommendation I have been given is to drink blueberry beer here.

Is that it?

UPDATINGNESS!

SolidPhil:

Go to the Tide and Boar restaurant. Drink Garrison's Tall Ship Amber and eat plum pizza. One of the best meals I ever had.

That's TWO, TWO THINGS TO DO IN MONCTON.

Nawwww...

Really?

A senior Roman Catholic leader has hit out at Italy's political class, saying the country needs to "purify the air" of sex and corruption scandals.

Leadership

Via the NRO some of Chris Christie's latest speech:

At one time in our history, our greatness was a reflection of our country’s innovation, our determination, our ingenuity and the strength of our democratic institutions. When there was a crisis in the world, America found a way to come together to help our allies and fight our enemies. When there was a crisis at home, we put aside parochialism and put the greater public interest first. And in our system, we did it through strong presidential leadership. We did it through Reagan-like leadership.

UP TO THE MINUTE UPDATARINO!

There's a link to the full speech now, and I guess this must be the crisis at home mentioned above:

Everybody in this room and in countless other rooms across this great country has his or her favorite Reagan story. For me, that story happened thirty years ago, in August 1981. The air traffic controllers, in violation of their contracts, went on strike. President Reagan ordered them back to work, making clear that those who refused would be fired. In the end, thousands refused, and thousands were fired.

Had the dastardly union won, BLOOD WOULD HAVE RUN IN THE STREETS things might have been better for some people!

Full text link found via Roy Edroso.

Time's a Wastin'