Friday, April 1, 2011

IMPORTANT NEWS FROM CANADA!*

OMG PASS THE SYRUP!
Maple syrup may have potential health benefits, say scientists checking out its antioxidants.
Also it may make your penis just slightly bigger than an American penis (the ONLY measure that counts).
Preliminary laboratory findings from Quebec suggest maple syrup may help the body regulate blood glucose levels.
Up up UP, my lazy and malingering glucose levels! Thank you for this valuable information, um, who are you people bringing me this delicious and nutritious information?
The research was funded by the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers and Agriculture and Agri-Food Canada.
YETH I WOULD LIKE THOME MORE THYRUP!




*You are banned for thinking what you are thinking.
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16 comments:

  1. Dr.KennethNoisewaterApril 1, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    Improbable-seeming glucose-regulating syrup and relatively large-penised men? My god, it's like Canada is begging me to visit.

    I totally want to write slogans for your tourism bureau now.

    "Stay for the syrup and come for the..." well, you know.

    I'll keep working on it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. bjkeefeApril 1, 2011 at 8:47 PM

    Sorry to have to pour ice-cold water on your earnestly straining member, but all this news means is that Vermont now rules your world. Even. More.

    USA! USA! USA!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Big Bad Bald BastardApril 1, 2011 at 11:22 PM

    The House of Substantial PENIS! and Pancakes.

    ReplyDelete
  4. TruculentandUnreliableApril 2, 2011 at 6:00 AM

    Yeah, well, we have comparatively larger BOOBIES.

    I attribute it to the HFCS.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dr.KennethNoisewaterApril 2, 2011 at 6:21 AM

    Full disclosure: I do not have big American breasts.

    Anyway, I came up with a slogan for your tourism people. It's "Our Sweet Cocks Cure Diabetes" Nobody seemed impressed with that, so I very helpfully showed them my visual aids, which consisted of a very pretty, full-lipped American woman sensuously licking maple syrup off a Canadian man's earnestly straining erection.

    I am now banned from Canada.

    It's like people don't *get* my art at all!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Substance McGravitasApril 2, 2011 at 7:58 AM

    I do not have big American breasts.

    You're American...BUY SOME.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Smut ClydeApril 2, 2011 at 12:32 PM

    Diabetes is Serious Business.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Smut ClydeApril 2, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    A number of countries on the map appear to have no penes. These are not countries where the disappearing-penis disease is reported so I incline to blame witchcraft.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dr.KennethNoisewaterApril 2, 2011 at 12:46 PM

    I incline to blame witchcraft.

    I swear I've never even BEEN to those countries!

    ReplyDelete
  10. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©April 2, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    Ooo Ooo Witchy Woman

    She's got rabbit ears on her heaaaaaaaaaaad...
    ~

    ReplyDelete
  11. ckc (not kc)April 2, 2011 at 2:48 PM

    ...licking maple syrup off a Canadian man's earnestly straining erection

    HEY! Some of us are trying to watch the hockey, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  12. JenniferApril 2, 2011 at 4:21 PM

    Perhaps they should now call it MayPole syrup... and don't even get me started on what the Maypole is doing with the Mulberry bush...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Substance McGravitasApril 2, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    A number of countries on the map appear to have no penes.

    And has conflict ended? NO.

    ReplyDelete
  14. mikeyApril 2, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    I personally support eliminating pennies in the US.

    They serve no good porpoise, and frankly present a whale of a problem due to their shrimpy purchasing power.

    ReplyDelete
  15. tigrisApril 3, 2011 at 3:59 PM

    Yeah, well, we have comparatively larger BOOBIES.

    I attribute it to the HFCS.

    So I should be slathering them with corn syrup instead of maple syrup? Great, NOW she tell me.

    ReplyDelete
  16. M. BouffantApril 3, 2011 at 4:08 PM

    *You are banned for thinking what
    you are thinking.

    Election news?

    Ha ha, wv be "spermi." Now you is banned.

    ReplyDelete

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