Monday, May 18, 2009

Shorter Burt Prelutsky*

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*Or "I took a silly picture."
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38 comments:

  1. Another KiwiMay 18, 2009 at 7:19 PM

    Is this one of those cans of Whup Arse that Ace of Spades is always yammering about? One opens it and the other person says "Oh Shit" when they recognize the fabulousness of the argument and the fact that it smells like poop.

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  2. Righteous BubbaMay 18, 2009 at 7:30 PM

    In case there is doubt about what these actually are, they are bingo dabbers, a crucial tool in the sport of the elderly.

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  3. Another KiwiMay 18, 2009 at 7:42 PM

    I must confess to failing this week's "What is it?" photo competition.
    They might sell quite well at universities who have a lot of multi-choice exams. Obviously most universities teach The Black Arts these days so they have practical exams of turning people into squirming butt badgers so bingo dabbers will be needed there.

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  4. Another KiwiMay 18, 2009 at 7:43 PM

    Or even not be needed

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  5. herr doktor bimlerMay 18, 2009 at 9:54 PM

    But are these cheap imports as good as the Italian-made original?

    If I survive to be elderly I shall definitely go around dabbing bingos at random.

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  6. herr doktor bimlerMay 19, 2009 at 3:31 AM

    Your website would benefit vastly from more jumping Tourettes granny .gifs. That is all.

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  7. Righteous BubbaMay 19, 2009 at 8:32 AM

    Hmm. That's doable, but might require a little leg-straightening of the grannies, which is a painful painful procedure.

    Heh.

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  8. zombie rotten mcdonaldMay 19, 2009 at 9:49 AM

    That granny could be photoshopped onto a toilet, no sweat.

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  9. Righteous BubbaMay 19, 2009 at 10:17 AM

    But then she'd be pooping through her dress. Yucko.

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  10. herr doktor bimlerMay 19, 2009 at 1:19 PM

    Granny has to be animated and leaping. She is competing with Thers' wrathful gnomes.

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  11. Righteous BubbaMay 19, 2009 at 1:41 PM

    She would destroy the gnomes no problem.

    And then that Thers would know what's what. Poltroon.

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  12. mikeyMay 19, 2009 at 3:18 PM

    "Oh Shit!" mikey shouted, an abrupt ejaculation (heh heh heh) of consternation and disgust.

    Startled, the assembled masses (there are always masses assembled in mikeyworld, otherwise there's very little point to being mikey)cried out "What's wrong, mikey?"

    In a voice equal parts resignation and jubilation, mikey replied "I got Artist's Poop in my Bingo Dabber"....

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  13. Righteous BubbaMay 19, 2009 at 3:19 PM

    Well, you get the table to yourself.

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  14. herr doktor bimlerMay 19, 2009 at 4:53 PM

    might require a little leg-straightening of the grannies

    Clearly you have never worked in a morgue. If you can't wait for the rigor mortis to relax, well, there are ways.

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  15. mikeyMay 19, 2009 at 6:28 PM

    The bodies of the Grannies were found in shallow graves behind the single-wide trailer on the property belonging to a man identified only as "Bubba, Righteous".

    A source close to the investigation has informed mikey-at-eleven that the legs of the grannies were "oddly straightened". More as we learn it...

    Oh. And please advise the Captcha Overlords that I am not, nor have I ever been, a "faigan"...

    mikey

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  16. Another KiwiMay 19, 2009 at 6:41 PM

    Kiwi at eleven can report that the oddly straight grannies were involved in an artist shit-in-a-can deal gone wrong.
    Spokesman Fred Ecal of the Bubbaville Sheriffs department said "You are long haired, hippy no-goods and should get the hell out".
    This reporter took that sage advice.

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  17. herr doktor bimlerMay 19, 2009 at 6:47 PM

    Zombie Grannies come seeking revenge.
    Twilight Homes of the Dead!

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  18. Righteous BubbaMay 19, 2009 at 10:46 PM

    Jesus Christ I went and checked out The Gnomes of Thers. Give me a minute.

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  19. Another KiwiMay 20, 2009 at 2:05 AM

    The leaping Grannies will inflame Burt. All heck will break loose

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  20. herr doktor bimlerMay 20, 2009 at 2:32 AM

    Very classy.
    Does the prevaricating poltroon know about this?

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  21. Righteous BubbaMay 20, 2009 at 6:31 AM

    Possibly. Triumphant comment left.

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  22. mikeyMay 20, 2009 at 10:10 AM

    I dunno. I think I still gotta give it to the Gnomes. The Grannies are leaping in a synchronized, coordinated fashion while the Gnomes leap with a less rigid syncopation that imbues them with a certain special kind of annoying chaos that makes them difficult to even count.

    Couldn't you insert some measure of leap-delay between grannies two and three? Or even make each Grannie her own .gif with a different frame rate so there was utter randomness? Huh huh, that'd be cool.

    C'mon, it's not like you have anything better to do, right?

    ReplyDelete
  23. zombie rotten mcdonaldMay 20, 2009 at 11:25 AM

    They should be jumping up and down on Burt's head.

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  24. Righteous BubbaMay 20, 2009 at 11:30 AM

    It truly is a shame that Geocities is going.

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  25. tigrisMay 20, 2009 at 2:56 PM

    Reminds my of the Rocky and Bullwinkle show, for some reason. Soooo much better than that sad, sad gnome. I did like his leprechaun, though.

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  26. tigrisMay 20, 2009 at 3:00 PM

    I assure I can MAKE GRANNIES CATER TO MY WHIMS. You'll have to wait a few hours though...

    Be careful of their hips, I hear those things are like glass. Also, I expect the grannies to looked suitably shamed.

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  27. Righteous BubbaMay 20, 2009 at 3:19 PM

    I cannot knock the leprechauns. There's a high entertainment-per-pixel value there.

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  28. mikeyMay 20, 2009 at 5:32 PM

    Sorry, Bubba. I can't pander to the Grannies because I believe their political ideology is correct. They still have to perform on the animated .gif stage of my browser, and the gnomes just brought more, well, SPICE to the leaping and jumping and hopping and carousing and hooting and...

    I'm sorry, where was I. Sarah Palin animated .gif spraddle-legged yosemite sam tantrum spittle-spewing ragegasm huh?

    Yeah. It's like that.

    Oh baby YOU, you got what I need...

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  29. herr doktor bimlerMay 20, 2009 at 6:02 PM

    Be careful of their hips, I hear those things are like glass.

    Hips? Glass? Well I happen to believe that grannies are smuggling neodymium-doped glass laser rods around the country, concealed as artificial femurs, hence the fragility.
    You may scoff about my warnings now, but just try cutting back on social security and we'll see who's laughing then.

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  30. Righteous BubbaMay 20, 2009 at 6:35 PM

    The Social Security Services render you to a burlap couch and force castor oil down your throat.

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  31. herr doktor bimlerMay 20, 2009 at 7:18 PM

    Did I say "artificial femurs"? I meant "artificial lemurs".

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  32. mikeyMay 20, 2009 at 7:32 PM

    You sure it wasn't "superficial dreamers"?

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  33. Another KiwiMay 21, 2009 at 2:53 AM

    It was unofficial feelers, wasn't it?

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  34. Another KiwiMay 21, 2009 at 2:56 AM

    Jeebers Crisp, theys scary little fuckers, them Gnomes.Phegnomenally one might say, if one had severe head injuries.

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  35. Righteous BubbaMay 21, 2009 at 6:50 AM

    I think its the motion lines that get me.

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  36. herr doktor bimlerMay 21, 2009 at 3:38 PM

    Pontificial steamers.

    Captcha says that the gnomes have gortion lines.

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  37. Another KiwiMay 21, 2009 at 9:21 PM

    Two-Jug screamers.

    My tribe

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  38. Righteous BubbaMay 22, 2009 at 10:36 AM

    Fart-missile schemers.

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