My Lovely Daughter

She's the one in black.

A further illustration:

Stimulus

Via Pharyngula we see that red states require more porn.

When will Obama think of the needs of the common meat-beater?

News I Can Use

I went looking for Michelle's arms but I believe they have been smuggled over the Syrian border.

Why Didn't I Expect This?

What overbroad and overblown characters need to really shine is a medium that can tone some of that down and make them human.

"...carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating eyebrows..."

So I says "Gary," I says, "the great thing about us liberal communist fascists is that we have the integrity to NEVER DROP ROTATING EYEBROWS ON SCOTT STAPP." And he says "The fact is you are wrong and human nature dictates that a rational actor will drop rotating eyebrows on Scott Stapp" and so right there and then I bet him NINE DOLLARS that no way would my comrades and comradettes ever do such a thing.

UPDATE: MR. STAPP HAS AN ENTICINGLY LARGE FOREHEAD.

PELICAN A AIR AM AROUND BADGER BRICK CAT CLAM CUZ DED DOOD DRAG DRINKED DUST EATED FORGOT FUNNY GET GOO HA I IF IT ITS JOKE KIN SHREDS MAH MAKE MUSTASH NO NOO NOW ON OOPS POO POOP POOPS POST SMART TEH TELL U WONT WURDZ RATE FOR
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

I Agree that Burt Prelutsky is Old

The staff do not allow Mr. Prelutsky to see movies:

In fact, the last time I recall a movie about a professor that any normal person would wish to spend time with was the 1948 release, “Apartment for Peggy,” and even in that one, Edmund Gwenn spent most of his time planning to commit suicide.

That's embarrassing enough, but here:

Feeling, as I do, that most professors, aside from those teaching science or math, are over-paid, under-worked, left-wing narcissists infatuated with the sound of their own voices, it makes perfect sense that it would be nearly impossible to make a movie about them that wasn’t a slapstick comedy.

And there we have it. Because I can't remember stuff, THOSE GUYS SUCK!

Sleep soundly:

How Will the Academy Survive the Loss of a Small Subset of Cretins?

Andrew Klavan:

So let me make sure I have this straight. They make movies belittling our troops while they’re in harm’s way; they despise the manners and morals of most Americans; their patriotism is dependent on the results of the last election. And now they get together to give each other prizes and we’re supposed to care because… why?

You are not supposed to care. Nobody invites the nosepicker to the party.

Just Desserts

Dessert battles abound here:

Kid: Wait wait! You forgot dessert!
Me: There's no dessert after breakfast.
Kid: You promised!
Me: When did I promise that?
Kid: You forgot to promise!

Dystopia

Disappointed Chris Muir:

In the liberal future hot babes are not allowed to wear hot clothes.

Independence and Strength

308813062 (1 day ago) Show Hide
People are ridiculously stupid. They rate poorly the comments of those who are for Tom, and those who are against him get good rates! FU! Rate my comment however u want, I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT!

UPDATE:

I just got this stupid account and it's already downloaded the contents of my brain:



A FURTHER AND MORE IMPORTANT UPDATE:

308813062 has a prior comment in Russian. Let us use the Interhorn of Plenty to sort it all out:

I AGREE COMPLETELY.

Curse You Rusty Shackleford

Tigrismus Enhanced:



FYI here's the construction for anyone with access to a Mac:

Go to userscripts.org and get something that'll download video off YouTube. Download whatever you're interested in.

I could not bear to watch the whole Crowder video, or indeed the first minute of it. To get the stills I used Quicktime (you'll need to register it somehow, har har) and exported the video to an image sequence. Choosing stills that look like they might represent certain sounds is then pretty easy. Naming the stills after the sounds keeps 'em organized; I harvested at least a couple of each sound I expected Stapp to mutter. Avoided looking up the lyrics.

iMovie 3.03 lets you drop stills on a timeline, and you can squish or stretch the duration of still A by sliding still B after it to the right or left. Drop stills as appropriate. Slipping bits of audio in is trivial. The sandwich required one frame of sophistimacated Photoshoppery which you can see at the 30 second mark.

So: really not too much work at all. Which explains why I am so so very productive.

A First

Used at LGM:

"I hear the streets are paved with pork."

Republicans: behind the curve.

Mike Long, Corrupted By Hollywood

First:

Update: Still No Late Night Obama Humor
by Tim Slagle

In the short span between my last review and today, we’ve seen the President sign a stimulus package so full of pork that Obama’s father would have been forbidden to touch it, along with a

Yeah yeah, Mr. Boring. Who gives a shit?

Posted Feb 19th 2009 at 5:16 am in Media Criticism, Political Humor | Comments (74)

I see. Moving on...

Eat Yer Peas, Drink Yer Milk
by Mike Long

Surely many gay Americans have seen Gus Van Sant’s Milk through tears of joy because it marks a long-hoped-for arrival. For the first time in mainstream entertainment (at least, this is the picture that got all the fanfare), the history of the gay rights movement is presented as an elemental and welcome part of the story of the U.S., and not as a sidebar or novel supplement to the Great Historical Narrative.

Gays deserve equal rights. As a human being, that’s the only position I can possibly hold. However, you can be in complete solidarity with the cause of gay rights and not care much for Milk.

Hey, Reasonable Person! How'd that go?

Posted Feb 19th 2009 at 5:19 am in Reviews | Comments (0)

Huh. Well I can't believe that the normally lively and jumping Big Hollywood would suddenly get an intertube crammed by some kind of technical...oh here we go:

10,000 Violent Women and One Screenwriter, Part V
by Robert J. Avrech

Note: Links to previous chapters are found at the end of this post.

EXT. PRISON - DAY
The Screenwriter, alternately known to the inmates as Mr. Hollywood, Mr. Screenplay Writer and Mr. Clueless, sits with Eden, an attractive prisoner who is

So what, you're a perv. Anybody care?

Posted Feb 19th 2009 at 6:25 am in Entertainment | Comments (16)

Well, back to normal I guess.

Haw.

Context.

FAIL

"I said, 'Good morning, welcome to the Crystal Cathedral.' " She asked the man, "Where are you from?" He replied, "Oh, from around here." He handed Spicer a folded note written in Magic marker. Tucked into the middle of the note was his driver's license and what appeared to be a business card. As he was walking down the aisle, she began reading the note, which referred to a truck in the parking lot and a gun.

"The next minute, there was a pop," Spicer said. "I thought he was praying. I didn't realize he had shot himself."

Yvette Manson, a volunteer usher, said she was talking to the tourists when she heard a shot that she likened to a firecracker. "I had just been telling them about the suicide prevention ministry we have."

I Am Awful

Wrestler's chihuahua
Rests in the last sleeper hold
Wake at Taco Bell

Gamecock On!

Witness:

That time passed over twenty years ago, with the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause.

There’s a…hole in the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause in the bottom of the sea,

There’s a hole in the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause in the bottom of the sea,

There’s a hole, there’s a hole,

There’s a hole in the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause in the bottom of the sea.

Addendum

Silly atheist gets a poetical come-uppance here.

I wrote a naïve additional verse:

The atheist’s pain is sent by God
Who torments them with glee
And yet as flesh gets poked with prod
The luckless in the theist squad
Say “Where’s the gain for me?”

What follows that in the thread, thanks to Rich Puchalsky, are a variety of pointers to explanations that yes, an atheist in torment is a boon to theists. Yes indeed. No doubt about it.

The Wail of Disappointment

Mike Long:

Horror pictures have become an assembly-line operation. They rarely feature an original story and differ from each other only in the order in which they deploy the standard scary-movie tricks such as Loud Noise During Quiet Passage, Surprise Face In Mirror, Evil Child With Horrifying Prediction, and Creepy Image On Common Item.

There are young, will-work-for-cheap writers and directors out there who could have given Friday the 13th a surprising and engaging new direction.

Yes, they could totally have done that. Instead, THE REMAKE OF FRIDAY THE 13TH IS UNIMPRESSIVE.

UPDATE:

Dialogue with Children

At fast-food dispensary:

Child: Let's do it backwards.
Me: What?
C: We eat the dessert first.
M: No.
C: But backwards is my favourite opposite!

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

M: Are you chewing gum?
C: Yeah.
M: Where did you sneak it?
C: A pack in my room. I am a sneaker and my dad is an old tennis shoe.