Career Change

When the time comes to really help my fellow man, I can think of no better way than to learn my medical technician's skills at the

Black Wires

Like a yokel congressman hates the NEA, I too can hate art. The Philamedelphia Artsy Whatchamadooey hosts this monstrosity, which must be carefully guarded against Archie Andrews and a big ladder. Can't recall its provenance, but clearly the artist didn't choose his transformers wisely. Yes, it's a shit photo, but the subject matter was just not that important.



On the other hand I'm awfully fond of this crazy bullshit called Circles in a Circle painted by Wassily Kandinsky in 1923. Yet it's still a shit photo:

Ad Hominem

Dumb...



...and dumber.

Angels

Via Pharyngliualallalla:



I guess my favourite thing about these angels and their AFAIK predecessors Orbs is the democratic nature of the mystical experience - with evidence! - afforded to those with a camera and without a brain.

UFOs, cryptozoological stuff, ghosts...all these need quite a bit of luck/preparation before you can get all wide-eyed and corner passers-by with drooling raving about this and that. Orbs and other focus-related stupidity are available to all, so the usual fakers of such nonsense can be bypassed by the small-timers.

In future, I will only accept my paranormal phenomena from mom & pop operations.

What I Know About Bill Richardson

Flying saucers in New Mexico? Governor Rekindles Roswell
Keay Davidson, Chronicle Science Writer
Monday, August 16, 2004

Ten years after the U.S. Air Force closed its books on the claim that a UFO crashed in Roswell, N.M., in 1947, a top Democratic Party figure wants to reopen the investigation into the cosmic legend.

Despite denials by federal officials, many UFO buffs cherish the notion that in early summer of 1947, a flying saucer crashed in rural Roswell, scattering alien bodies and saucer debris across the terrain.

Now Gov. Bill Richardson of New Mexico, who chaired the recent Democratic convention in Boston, says in his foreword to a new book that "the mystery surrounding this crash has never been adequately explained -- not by independent investigators, and not by the U.S. government. ... There are as many theories as there are official explanations.

[...]

A Disquisition on Immigration from Brujeria

The Threequel

Hmm.

In what's become standard practice for threequels, the masters of the Pirates franchise felt that the only way they could top the previous two movies was to give us more of everything: more colourful characters, more nautical mythology, even bigger special effects, all building up to a colossal, decisive "everyone vs everyone else" battle, just like The Lord of the Rings, the Matrix Reloaded, and particularly Return of the Jedi, which this movie apes as sure as part two did The Empire Strikes Back.

Wasn't Lord of the Rings based on a book or something? They mighta had less leeway, but I could be wrong.

The Urban Rot of Philadelphia

Killing Time

I have a bunch of pictures I'm doing nothing with, so why not post 'em? This and other bits of nonsense that may follow come from the absolutely terrific art museum in Philadelphia, the name of which I'm too lazy to look up even while typing this overlong sentence.

Just Wondering

Have you ever noticed that a slightly marble-mouthed five-year-old can make "I'm ironic" sound like "I'm moronic" when she runs in circles screaming it?

Kerry and Klein: The Kotzenjammer Kids

I guess if you're still hunting for evidence that John Kerry was not the pick of the Democratic litter this is more fuel for the fire.

I really don't understand the isolation from reality that sets in among candidates.

My Hamster Will Never Ruin a Trip Again

Underutilized

I love Brian Eno, but this sentence seems a little nutty:

He first created 77 Million Paintings to bring art to the increasing number of flat panel TV's and monitors that often sit darkened and underutilized.

I can't wait for Survival Research Labs to deal with the millions of underutilized SUVs.

I Troll for Keeps

A long time ago I trolled a Pammy thread - you know who she is, right? - and some guy got really mad at me. Out of the blue he's e-mailed me again:

Hey there, fuckface.

I'm in Kuwait right now on my way to Iraq on Sunday for a mission I volunteered for through next May. All that in spite of 3 kids.

So, have you heard back from the "Army Band", you SELF-righteous bubba-gump? You still never answered the question as to your level of education or your job/career? Could it be you are still unemployed with a G.E.D. or less? Likely, because your dimwitted reply was to throw up a smokescreen that my e-mail to you was somehow a "victory".

My victory is that you hid and never answered, and that I have the courage to face the enemy in Iraq, and even at home (dumb ass lib cyber pussy cowards like you), whilst you hide behind the security of your keyboard, stammering and changing nothing.

Later loser.

I hope he enjoys his pay-raise.

Losing

When I was but a lad mom would let me win games of Scrabble.

Once I got better at it I smashed her for a few decades.

I recently decided to let mom win once in a while, but I have accidentally stumbled upon a better solution: convince her she won some of the games.

Sumo: Sport of Things

I have been researching the great sport of sumo.

Young boys want to become sumo in order to achieve the rank and physique of manatee.



Therefore they dance in poo.



Those who can crush the poo to the satisfaction of the Sanrio Corporation are allowed to live on the moon.



Others must find new careers.



Successful members of the Order of the Manatee must rub their bellies on decadent foreigners.



There are delights, however, as visiting dignitaries often bring snacks to the more successful of the ravening maxisapiens.



The most physically beautiful sumo are bronzed and used to direct traffic.



Others become snacks themselves, an irony which something something something.



They may also engage in physical contests of some sort. These seem unimportant.

The Great Sandwich Battle Solved

Sages have sung about the dangers of having too much time on my hands - yes that was about me so go find your own goddamned masterwork - but in this case I do not wonder that I'm not crazy.

Rather than mock this poor man for his size, let us celebrate it by aligning him with the most noble fighting tradition of the mystical and inscrutable East.

Fixing the Joke

Q. Why did the crow cross the road?

A. Becaws.

You're welcome.

Governor Abe Simpson

What Thers says:

Teh awesome.

Tommy Thompson cited a dead hearing aid and an urgent need to use the bathroom in explaining on Saturday why he said at a GOP presidential debate that an employer should be allowed to fire a gay worker.

Greatest. First paragraph. Of a news story. Ever.

Alas, There Are No Cosplay Doughnut Shops