Monday, November 30, 2009

The Robot Holocaust

Ingested some kiddie piffle. Astro Boy:



The story is this: Society has robot slaves, a kid dies, the dad builds a robot kid in the kid's likeness, then rejects him, the robot kid fights some battles, and is eventually accepted by everyone.

Along the way many many many robots with cutesy personalities are destroyed, abandoned, or turned into killing machines for sport.

This film would have been far more interesting if it was a robot society enslaving, beating, abusing, operating on, dismantling, crippling and otherwise shredding humans, leaving their mangled flesh to rot in piles underneath their floating city.

As a sop to robots, one is given the day off at the end of the movie. Seriously.

There's Precedent

Via Mr. Atrios, Governor Schwarzenegger is booed at some sorta horse-racing event. In the same article:
Zenyatta, who's 14 for 14 in her career, was paraded on the track after the seventh race and brought into the winner's circle.

"She made impossible possible," Ann Moss said of Zenyatta, who's headed for Kentucky and broodmare duties.
Hmm...a solution to California's governance problems presents itself.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Another Great Marvel Idea


Saturday, November 28, 2009

Ouroborosity

Big Hollywood's John Nolte thinks someone's fulla shit:
Yesterday, Washington Post columnist and former Bush II speechwriter Michael Gerson played a long slow violin solo over the death of the mainstream media. There’s nothing new in his piece. Dazed with panic as the circle of financial ruin closes in, we’ve heard this song many times before from our ink-stained dinosaurs. And true to form, Gerson can’t break the mold. It’s all there, the rose-colored glasses, denial, and a heaping helping of rationalization.

Once again, from that familiar MSM perch where one can look down their nose at the great unwashed who just don’t understand the magnificent tradition of journalism they’re about to lose, Gerson blames We the People for no longer wanting to pay for our news and choosing partisan sources “that reinforce and exaggerate … political predispositions.”

How absurd.
7-Up in my nose there.

Yes, it's absurd to have MICHAEL FUCKING GERSON as the champion of objectivity for the Washington Post.

And then Nolte comes along and doesn't get the little game Gerson's playing - the same game getting played here by some PBS asshole - and complains about it.

It's another case of reaping the whirlwind: Nolte's too stupid to applaud the infiltration yet another of his own team into the opinion-making machinery and he poops in the punchbowl while everyone watches. You watch too:
What profession could he possibly be talking about? Certainly not the same profession who set out to destroy Clarence Thomas, circled the wagons to save President Clinton, summoned all their resources to lose the war in Iraq, told us more about the background of an unemployed plumber than our current President, dragged Sarah Palin’s family through the mud, and on this very day refuse to investigate three of the biggest stories of the year (if not the decade): ACORN, CzarGate and ClimateGate.
What item on that list tells you this man is something other than completely bananas?

Nolte in conclusion:
May they rest in Hell.
I'll betcha a weak sissy PC liberal editor made him put "rest" instead of "roast".

Thursday, November 26, 2009

I Dunno...


Alexis-Charles-Henri Clérel de Tocqueville (29 July 1805, Paris – 16 April 1859, Cannes), truest witness to the greatest incarnation of America

Q: Whatever Happened to Tocqueville's America?

A: There was a war.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Drink

Princess Di's Advocaat Swirl

Ingredients:
1 pint beholder zombie pancreatic juice
1 shot advocaat, swirled

Add the beholder zombie pancreatic juice rhetorically to the advocaat since it's heavier. Serve in a small rich jug. Phone the authorities.

No Obligation




From 1974. On the list I can see things I owned from:

Led Zep
Steely Dan
Neil Diamond
Stevie Wonder
Curtis Mayfield
Moody Blues
David Bowie
The Sylvers
Richard Harris
Raspberries
Isaac Hayes
Jackson Five
Eric Clapton
Yes

You can see why I'm partial to the shrieking electronics.

DOOMSDAY!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Sounds a Little Like Bea Arthur Sometimes



Only the finest in American corporate rock at this site.

Donzigirl454 (4 days ago) Show Hide
+1
Marked as spam
STEVE PERRY ROCKS MY WORLD. THEN AND NOW.  The girl who cheated on him was some kind of a fool. Makes you wonder if she realized the HUGE mistake she made.

Forgery FAIL

This seems like the sort of mistake you shouldn't make, either buyer or seller:
A man received a big surprise when he learned the six Andy Warhol paintings he purchased for $100,000 were fake.

The paintings had Warhol's signature on them, and were dated '96. The problem is Warhol died in 1987.

Two Utahns were charged Wednesday in the 3rd District Court for allegedly selling the fake artwork, a deception the buyer learned after trying to have the pieces appraised last year.
No mention of pineapples.

Promises

Why hasn't this man been beaten with a tire-iron?
The prostitute at the centre of Italian premier Silvio Berlusconi's sex scandal claims she slept with him believing he would help her set up a countryside inn but she got "nothing" in return.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Bad Boy Bubby

While on the sickbed I watched Bad Boy Bubby. It is a bad movie, a sort of reverse Candide in which a character goes from fantastic deprivation and abuse to, at the end, a life of family and fulfilment. Blew that ending for you there, didn't I? Not sorry at all. The story's wanderings and changes in logic from allegory to outrage to cutesiness to impersonations of Nick Cave fronting a very boring bar band pretty quickly dissipate any power the earlier scenes of misery had and makes Bubby a tool for the director to pick at whatever scab he's interested in picking at, and prior to Bubby's encountering the outside world, that scab is YOU, dear reader: there just isn't much reason for the preliminary torture. Bubby could as well have come from the sky or from a coma.

I saw it without any preconceptions or expectations and looked it up later: it's evident that some of the shots were just inserted to showcase the sound design, and that some of the scenes may have been fragmentary due to the use of multiple photographers. So it's a technical exercise.

Dull.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

The British Connection

[Orly] Taitz says [Neil] Sankey's UK police expertise has been invaluable. "He has had superb training. I have the greatest respect for Scotland Yard."

Christmas Ghosts Visiting

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

From a video spotted by J—.

The snow is nice, but goddammit if you reverse the image sequence for smoother begging the snow flies up again.

UPDATE:

Gravity can eat me.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Sick

Apologies. You would be wise to wash your hands after reading this post.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Seal of Quallity

Christian Toto doesn't get it:
Here’s the scene: Bullock’s character is waiting in line to speak to someone about her new son Michael’s legal status.

Fed up, she cuts to the front of the line to ask a question:

“We have been sitting around here for over an hour and when I look around all I see are people shooting the bull and drinking coffee … who’s in charge here?”

The bemused woman behind the desk points to the wall, where a picture of Bush is hanging.

We’ve all been in long lines before, be it at the DMV or other governmental offices. And it doesn’t matter which party - or person - is occupying the White House at the moment.

So the joke makes no sense.
There used to be a regular joke-dissecting column like this in the National Lampoon. It was funny.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Fatal Glass of Beer

The Bible: Objectively Pro-Furry

Watch Jacob use a goatskin to steal dad's blessing.

Failure

Michael Moore’s ‘Capitalism’ Flops: Even Liberals Stay Away in Droves
by John Nolte
After nearly two months in theaters and all the hype that normally surrounds a Michael Moore film — much of it free thanks to a fawning media, “Capitalism: A Love Story” has flopped. Production costs, advertising costs and whatever Michael Moore takes above the line makes spinning a measly $14.2 million theatrical haul into anything other than a flop impossible.


Note that foreign earnings have not been tallied yet except for some places where starving islanders fight over crabs to survive.

Monday, November 16, 2009

The Greatest 40 Seconds The Cinema Will Ever Produce

Turn the volume UP.



You can stop at 7:10: no punchline necessary.

ALSO.

UFO or Die:

A List

What I listen to most, according to iTunes at work (where my library went screwy about six months ago).
  1. In The Club - 50 Cent
  2. Paris 1919 - John Cale
  3. Get To The Choppa - Austrian Death Machine
  4. Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers - Austrian Death Machine
  5. Gimme All Your Lovin - ZZ Top
  6. Screw You (Benny) - Austrian Death Machine
  7. An Ending (Ascent) - Brian Eno With Daniel Lanois & Roger Eno
  8. Loverman - Blossom Dearie
  9. With Teeth - The Melvins
  10. DJ_teds_techno_tubes - Paul Holcomb
  11. Always Returning - Brian Eno
  12. Electric Counterpoint, Part 3: Fast (feat. guitar: Pat Metheny) - Steve Reich
  13. Cool Change - The Little River Band
  14. Rags And Bones - Nomeansno
  15. The Last Drop Of Morning Dew - The Flaming Lips
  16. We Are So Fragile - Gary Numan
  17. Chapter III - Killing Joke
  18. Fra Diavolo - Laurel And Hardy
  19. Cow - The Melvins
  20. N-Sub Ulysses - Nation of Ulysses
  21. A Man Is An Insect Is A Flame - Sun City Girls
  22. Theme From "The Swaying Gardens Of The Apocalypsia" - Sun City Girls
  23. Calling It Quits - Aimee Mann
  24. She Said She Said - The Beatles
  25. D. Feathers - Bettie Serveert

Water for Elephants

A book by Sara Gruen. Seven pages in and it seems like complete shit: the writing is TERRIBLE. It's grating to fear the arrival of the next cliché. Many of the one-star reviews at Google assure me that there's lotsa filth in it, which is reason to keep going, but I can't do it my friends.

You're Just a Tool of the Man

Via M. Bouffant, an article::
Marvel once owned the rights to the word zombie. As improbable as it sounds, Marvel attempted to trademark the word zombie in comic book titles after publishing Tale of the Zombie in 1973. By the time the trademark was approved two years later, the series was coming to an end. Marvel lost the trademark in 1996 but it wasn't long before it was once again trademarking the armies of the undead, registering the words Marvel Zombies to protect its comic series of the same name. With DC, Marvel also trademarked the phrase 'Super Hero'.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

Glenn Reynolds, The Future Is NOW!

Fundamental change:
A man whose bowel was damaged in a motorcycle crash has been given a bionic bottom.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Me, Wrong Again

I'd assumed the ISI was kinda cool with the maniacs:
There was no doubt about the target or the motive of the bombing on Friday: Pakistan’s intelligence agency, the Inter-Services Intelligence directorate, is a prominent symbol of military power, and militants have struck at it in different cities in Pakistan.
As ye sow and so forth. Or are Christian writings in bad taste here?

I Have Always Loved This Story



Via Boing Boing again.

I WANT WHAT THEY GOT!

ME: An irony cake so heavy it crushes the table:
CRYBABY BALDWIN: In reply to a recent political and cultural controversy involving “Sesame Street,” Sesame Workshop Executive Vice President Miranda Barry wrote:
SOMEONE FROM SESAME STREET: Jim Henson, Jon Stone, Frank Oz and others set a witty and silly tone for Sesame Street that our current writers work to maintain despite the demands of political correctness.
CRYBABY BALDWIN: What then, specifically, are the demands of political correctness that Ms. Barry’s taxpayer-funded organization operates under?
ME: And why isn't my kind of political correctness on that list?

Fundraising

An idea snuffed out:
Selling candy didn't raise much money last year, so a Goldsboro middle school tried selling grades.

However, the fundraiser came to an abrupt halt today after a story in The News & Observer raised concerns about the practice of selling grades.

Wayne County school administrators stopped the fundraiser, issuing a statement this morning.

"Yesterday afternoon, the district administration met with [Rosewood Middle School principal] Mrs. Shepherd and directed the the following actions be taken: (1) the fundraiser will be immediately stopped; (2) no extra grade credit will be issued that may have resulted from donations; and (3) beginning Novermber 12, all donations will be returned."

A $20 donation to Rosewood Middle School would have gotten a student 20 test points - 10 extra points on two tests of the student's choosing. That could raise a B to an A, or a failing grade to a D.
I will fawn all over any commenter who sends me money, and click on whatever they like.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

First They Came

First they came for the salt golems, and I did not speak out because I was not a salt golem;
Then they came for the ice folks, and I did not speak out because I was not an ice folk;
Then they came for the marshmallow harpies, and I did not speak out because I was not a marshmallow harpy;
Then they came for the sheet ghouls, and I did not speak out because I was not a sheet ghoul;
Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Priorities



It's like some stupid comment thread, except that history insists this came first.

Monday, November 9, 2009

The Ayn Rand School for Tots Is a Bad Idea

Really, this is completely bonkers:
A main tenet of the multiculturalism and Enviro-Statism inculcated by Modern Liberal educators and as practiced on “Sesame Street” — exemplified in “We All Sing the Same Song,” is the diminishment of the unique greatness of American culture.
This is a children's show, for children, and what's being disputed is a song about how to be nice to other children even if they're different. A healthy chunk of American kids are gonna be immigrants, you know, and maybe teaching four-year-olds "I'm better than you" is not the greatest socialization trick.

Besides, it's for parents to disillusion children, NOT THE NANNY STATE!

Two Limericks

A limerick of dubious quality
Should offend every part of the polity
With dick-slop in ceral
And urges gone feral
And metrical finishes faulity

A limerick of dubious quality
Once told of a man of frivolity
Who’d a cowbell inserted
Where most often turds hid
And sleighbells attached to his ballities

Inspiration.

Loveliness

Ladies and gentlemen, Lovely Professional University:
The Lovely Group is a widely recognized corporate house of the northern region of India whose name is strongly associated with quality delivery in each enterprise undertaken by it. Needless to say it has achieved resounding success in all its ventures including professional education. The brand ‘Lovely’ symbolizes excellence and instills faith and confidence among millions of people in India and abroad since 1961. ‘Lovely’ has come to represent initiative, reliability, transparency & professionalism of high order.
This is a legitimate institution.

You may find less satisfaction, however, at the Hilarious Institute of Clinical Technology.

Also:



Further:



Okay then!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

List of Cats with Fraudulent Diplomas

Via Boing Boing, this.

Our Greatest Issue EVER!



What was that? HARLAN ELLISON?



Oh, so he didn't quite write it...



And he didn't letter it.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Not-Yet-Advanced Patriarchy-Blaming

Girl trouble!



Naturally it turns out that Valkyrie was really The Enchantress enchantressing the aggrieved ladies into whupping Avenger ass. They eventually see the light:



Ha ha. Wench. Written by a man of course.

Bipartisan Means an Equal Proportion of Doctors and Mental Patients

Our man Burt pulling a Broder:
So far, as bi-partisanship is concerned, the Republicans have been banished to Washington’s equivalent of Siberia. These days, bi-partisanship simply means that David Axelrod and Rahm Emanuel are in agreement.
Hands up everyone who believes Burt wants to be bipartisan with Hitler Stalin Obinladen?
There is one promise, however, that Obama has kept. He vowed transparency, and anyone who can’t plainly see what the rock star and his left-wing groupies (Axelrod, Emanuel, Jeff Jones, Valerie Jarrett, Cass Sunstein, Anita Dunn) are up to is simply spending too much time watching “American Idol” and college football.
The inclusion of Sunstein on the list is still awfully amusing, though Rahm should be as much of a giggle.

The White Man



From What is the What, which has few if any Tasmanian prison camps thus far, but more African refugee camps. About the same proportion of violence slavery and genocide.

Updated!

Playing doctor:
-Now we'll play hide and seek, Agar said. -First, you have to find something that I hid here. Agar pointed to her chest. I took in a quick breath. Even thinking of it now, I cannot believe it happened, that I was chosen for these experiments! But this happened, exactly as I say it did, and next she said the words that I still hear today, when I close my eyes and lay my head to rest.
-You have to look for it. With your hand.
I glanced to the other girls for help. They nodded at me. They were all in on this! I felt as able to put my hand under her shirt as I might make fire from earwax.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Did You Know?


Bubba Gets All the Breaks



I can't think why m- er, Bubba's name ended up on some sort of list of people who are capable of thinking serious things about serious stuff, but to whoever helped that idiot wind up on the lovely and talented Ayesha Mirza's list some thanks are owed.

Not exactly sure what to do here: on the one hand, I like freebies, so I should update my name. On the other, I think I'm incapable of doing a review of any worth on this issue, so I'd want to step lightly in refusal - not that a response is expected. If possible I'd pass on the opportunity to somebody else.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Talk to the Hand

Others will, I am sure, say funnier things about the Big Hollywood Sesame Street Freakout, but

A. I wanted to be the first to say "Talk to the hand."
B. The most entertaining part is that the freakout appears to be over the proper form a joke should take, not that it was made.

Look:
Last week, in a re-broadcast of an episode that originally aired two years ago, Oscar starts his own news network, GNN (Grouchy News Network). An irate viewer calls in to berate him that the news is not grouchy enough:

“I am changing the channel. From now on I am watching ‘Pox’ News. Now there is a trashy news show.”
"HA! Here is the smear!" you say, outraged that Sesame Street would make a joke no four-year-old will give a shit about. But wait!
Later in the episode, Anderson Cooper from 4th place CNN, guest stars as a reporter for GNN. He interacts with “Walter Cranky” and “Dan Rather-Not” — Muppets representing real-life liberal news personalities — and they talk about “Meredith Beware-a” and “Diane Spoiler.” But no affectionate nicknames for Fox News personalities; no Spill O’Reilly or Brittle Hume — nope, and the only disparaging characterization of real-world news is reserved for Fox: Fox is a POX. It is trashy. They didn’t even attempt to try “MessyNBC.”
Now Sesame Street is in trouble for not making the appropriate kind of fun of figures on Fox, also a move doomed to be missed by even the most attentive tot.

At some point a photoshop is warranted I guess. Imagine one of these with limbless or headless bleeding muppets according to your preference.

Harry Shearer

Le Show is pretty funny this week.

An Eye-Catching Headline

"Restless Vagina Syndrome": Big Pharma's Newest Fake Disease
By Terry J. Allen, In These Times. Posted November 3, 2009.
The pharmaceutical industry wants you to think that if you don't have sex like a porn star, you're in need of their drugs.
I believe I am now a science blogger or something.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Discoveries



Found that while hoping that whiny college professor Mike Adams had some embarrassing video.

Anyway, now you know: vitamin D prevents the flu and H1N1 was invented by the military to kill Mexicans. Also herbal medicine is entirely without a profit motive. And vaccines don't work and so forth.

I bring you the best out of love.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Nerd Alert




The first comic book tribute to John Barth ever? The only? The most reprehensible? November 1970.

The Talent Pool

Matthew Yglesisiieisiseisidsis has a map that reveals some crazy racism evident in the most recent presidential election. Beneath that, this:
There are plenty of white men with progressive views, but in general the majority of white men are not progressive and the majority of progressives are not white men. Drawing from the relatively small pool of white male progressives means drawing from a shallow talent pool.
Republicans have the advantage of drawing white males from a far larger talent pool which is why the Republican nomination was contested by luminaries John McCain Mike Huckabee Rudy Giuliani Mitt Romney Sam Brownback Tom Tancredo Jim Gilmore* Duncan Hunter Ron Paul Fred Thompson and Tommy Thompson.

*I remember nothing at all about Jim Gilmore.

Chance of a Fix?

Ha Ha!

Via Julia at the Voice, an interview with Mikhael Gorbachev:
By the way, in 1987, after my first visit to the United States, Vice President Bush accompanied me to the airport, and told me: "Reagan is a conservative. An extreme conservative. All the blockheads and dummies are for him, and when he says that something is necessary, they trust him. But if some Democrat had proposed what Reagan did, with you, they might not have trusted him."
Ha ha ha! Not news, but fun, and of course GHWB was never a true conservative et cetera.