Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Career Change

When the time comes to really help my fellow man, I can think of no better way than to learn my medical technician's skills at the

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Black Wires

Like a yokel congressman hates the NEA, I too can hate art. The Philamedelphia Artsy Whatchamadooey hosts this monstrosity, which must be carefully guarded against Archie Andrews and a big ladder. Can't recall its provenance, but clearly the artist didn't choose his transformers wisely. Yes, it's a shit photo, but the subject matter was just not that important.



On the other hand I'm awfully fond of this crazy bullshit called Circles in a Circle painted by Wassily Kandinsky in 1923. Yet it's still a shit photo:

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Ad Hominem

Dumb...



...and dumber.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Angels

Via Pharyngliualallalla:



I guess my favourite thing about these angels and their AFAIK predecessors Orbs is the democratic nature of the mystical experience - with evidence! - afforded to those with a camera and without a brain.

UFOs, cryptozoological stuff, ghosts...all these need quite a bit of luck/preparation before you can get all wide-eyed and corner passers-by with drooling raving about this and that. Orbs and other focus-related stupidity are available to all, so the usual fakers of such nonsense can be bypassed by the small-timers.

In future, I will only accept my paranormal phenomena from mom & pop operations.

What I Know About Bill Richardson

Flying saucers in New Mexico? Governor Rekindles Roswell
Keay Davidson, Chronicle Science Writer
Monday, August 16, 2004

Ten years after the U.S. Air Force closed its books on the claim that a UFO crashed in Roswell, N.M., in 1947, a top Democratic Party figure wants to reopen the investigation into the cosmic legend.

Despite denials by federal officials, many UFO buffs cherish the notion that in early summer of 1947, a flying saucer crashed in rural Roswell, scattering alien bodies and saucer debris across the terrain.

Now Gov. Bill Richardson of New Mexico, who chaired the recent Democratic convention in Boston, says in his foreword to a new book that "the mystery surrounding this crash has never been adequately explained -- not by independent investigators, and not by the U.S. government. ... There are as many theories as there are official explanations.

[...]

Thursday, May 24, 2007

The Threequel

Hmm.
In what's become standard practice for threequels, the masters of the Pirates franchise felt that the only way they could top the previous two movies was to give us more of everything: more colourful characters, more nautical mythology, even bigger special effects, all building up to a colossal, decisive "everyone vs everyone else" battle, just like The Lord of the Rings, the Matrix Reloaded, and particularly Return of the Jedi, which this movie apes as sure as part two did The Empire Strikes Back.

Wasn't Lord of the Rings based on a book or something? They mighta had less leeway, but I could be wrong.

The Urban Rot of Philadelphia

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Killing Time

I have a bunch of pictures I'm doing nothing with, so why not post 'em? This and other bits of nonsense that may follow come from the absolutely terrific art museum in Philadelphia, the name of which I'm too lazy to look up even while typing this overlong sentence.

Just Wondering

Have you ever noticed that a slightly marble-mouthed five-year-old can make "I'm ironic" sound like "I'm moronic" when she runs in circles screaming it?

Kerry and Klein: The Kotzenjammer Kids

I guess if you're still hunting for evidence that John Kerry was not the pick of the Democratic litter this is more fuel for the fire.

I really don't understand the isolation from reality that sets in among candidates.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Underutilized

I love Brian Eno, but this sentence seems a little nutty:

He first created 77 Million Paintings to bring art to the increasing number of flat panel TV's and monitors that often sit darkened and underutilized.


I can't wait for Survival Research Labs to deal with the millions of underutilized SUVs.

Friday, May 18, 2007

I Troll for Keeps

A long time ago I trolled a Pammy thread - you know who she is, right? - and some guy got really mad at me. Out of the blue he's e-mailed me again:

Hey there, fuckface.

I'm in Kuwait right now on my way to Iraq on Sunday for a mission I volunteered for through next May. All that in spite of 3 kids.

So, have you heard back from the "Army Band", you SELF-righteous bubba-gump? You still never answered the question as to your level of education or your job/career? Could it be you are still unemployed with a G.E.D. or less? Likely, because your dimwitted reply was to throw up a smokescreen that my e-mail to you was somehow a "victory".

My victory is that you hid and never answered, and that I have the courage to face the enemy in Iraq, and even at home (dumb ass lib cyber pussy cowards like you), whilst you hide behind the security of your keyboard, stammering and changing nothing.

Later loser.


I hope he enjoys his pay-raise.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Losing

When I was but a lad mom would let me win games of Scrabble.

Once I got better at it I smashed her for a few decades.

I recently decided to let mom win once in a while, but I have accidentally stumbled upon a better solution: convince her she won some of the games.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Sumo: Sport of Things

I have been researching the great sport of sumo.

Young boys want to become sumo in order to achieve the rank and physique of manatee.



Therefore they dance in poo.



Those who can crush the poo to the satisfaction of the Sanrio Corporation are allowed to live on the moon.



Others must find new careers.



Successful members of the Order of the Manatee must rub their bellies on decadent foreigners.



There are delights, however, as visiting dignitaries often bring snacks to the more successful of the ravening maxisapiens.



The most physically beautiful sumo are bronzed and used to direct traffic.



Others become snacks themselves, an irony which something something something.



They may also engage in physical contests of some sort. These seem unimportant.

Monday, May 14, 2007

The Great Sandwich Battle Solved

Sages have sung about the dangers of having too much time on my hands - yes that was about me so go find your own goddamned masterwork - but in this case I do not wonder that I'm not crazy.

Rather than mock this poor man for his size, let us celebrate it by aligning him with the most noble fighting tradition of the mystical and inscrutable East.

Fixing the Joke

Q. Why did the crow cross the road?

A. Becaws.


You're welcome.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Governor Abe Simpson

What Thers says:
Teh awesome.

Tommy Thompson cited a dead hearing aid and an urgent need to use the bathroom in explaining on Saturday why he said at a GOP presidential debate that an employer should be allowed to fire a gay worker.

Greatest. First paragraph. Of a news story. Ever.


Thursday, May 10, 2007

My Shame

I don't need Firedoglake to explain how lame I am.

Tip #1: Post Fresh Content Every Day, Multiple Times Per Day

No. Too tired. And I'm pretty much a leech on everyone else's ideas. I should stick solely to commenting, yet I don't.

Tip #2: Enlist a Group of Writers

Not friendly enough.

Tip #3: Build a Brand and Exploit a Niche

Just think of me as your corner store: under-supplied with bizarre and unpalatable crap on the shelf, will never expand or innovate and will have to draft children to fill in.

Tip #4: Cultivate Reader Participation

As a child I walked through a bird sanctuary and they had all these labels on various plants. A recurring word was "cultivated" in front of any old plant. What it meant was that a bird had pooped there.

Tip #5: Do Consistently Great Writing

No prob. Look: Frist!!!!

Tip #6: Make Online Friends

Hi!

Tip #7: Know Yourself and Why You Want to Blog

I have time to kill and I am not creative enough to do something useful.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Global Warming Insights

Retiring BCIT principal glad to put long commute to work behind him

By JASON HARRIS
Burlington County Times

WESTAMPTON — After 33 years in education and 16 years as the principal at the Burlington County Institute of Technology here, Daniel Money is retiring at the end of the year.

“I'm finally graduating,” he said Thursday. “Sixteen years, five cars, and gas is $3 a gallon — it's time. It's the perfect time for the new administration to take hold and install their vision. In my opinion, it's long overdue.”

Money has been planning to retire for nearly a decade. He told the class of 2000 that he was going to retire, so students were surprised to find him roaming the halls when school reopened for the 2000-01 school year. His wife retired four years ago, and she's been pushing him to do so ever since.

“I've been promising her every year,” he said. “She says it's time.”

Still, he's going with some reluctance. If not for his four-hour commute, he likely wouldn't be retiring now. On the other hand, considering the number of cars he's run into the ground, he probably should have retired years ago.

“If I didn't have to drive 100 miles each way, I'd stay,” he said. “I'm fortunate to have a great auto shop to keep me going.”

[...]

Buttfucking

From Radar Online:
2. Representative Donald Young (R-AK) The scene: Fairbanks, Alaska, 1994. Congressman Don Young, already in office for 20 years, is on the stump preaching the virtues of Newt Gingrich's Republican revolution to a group of high school students. Just look at all the wasteful things the federal government does with taxpayers' money, he tells them. The National Endowment for the Arts, for example, funds art involving "people doing offensive things ... things that are absolutely ridiculous." One student asks, "Like what?"

"Buttfucking," replies the great scourge of obscenity and instructor of youth.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Here's Something Lighter

Hillary Clinton, wingnut. So says the National Review. Via Altercation.

To right-wingers willing to look beneath what probably sounds to them like the same identical views of the Democratic candidates, it is pretty clear that Hillary Clinton is the most conservative. John Edwards is the most liberal, and Barack Obama is somewhere in between.

[…]

At some point, politically sophisticated conservatives will have to recognize that no Republican can win in 2008 and that their only choice is to support the most conservative Democrat for the nomination. Call me crazy, but I think that person is Hillary Clinton.

Something I Don't Want to Think About

This is truly horrific. People are animals.

Crazy Babbling

Even in context this paragraph clunks like the presidential head when the overhead cabinet doors are open:
As is customary for my columns, the title appears to have little, if anything, to do with my discussion so far; therefore, I will proceed to my ultimate destination. The Vast Left-Wing Culture of Death violates this innate knowledge of Good and evil, that exists in every human who ever lived.

The Limits of Snark

You know things are bad when you can push Josh Marshall into derisive sneering.

(May 05, 2007 -- 09:29 PM EST // link)

Bush hits 28%. Clearly a perilous situation for the Democrats.

-- Josh Marshall

Friday, May 4, 2007

White Trash Coding

I love W3Schools but no blink tag?

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Mouths

In my continuing quest to waste time I don't actually have, I have assembled a bunch of ridiculous mouths from a shit comic book I will be unable to delete from my hard drive:

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Elitist Snobs I Have Known

Who's the hipster at WBUR using Neu and the bonus tracks from My Life in the Bush of Ghosts for transition music?